how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
