i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
