just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
