Screwed.edu
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
