We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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