Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
