i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
