Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
