the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
