There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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