Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
