Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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