I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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