he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
