Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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