You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
