haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
