I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
