You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
