I just made out with a guy for $7.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
