I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
