C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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