quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
