New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
