Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
