NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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