I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she smelled like a LAN party
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
