omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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