threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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