He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
