You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
