there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
