I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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