We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
