I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
