hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
