My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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