Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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