I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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