dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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