her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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