break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
