he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
