how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
