I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
