My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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