my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
