I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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