So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
