I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
